“I do not like to paint”
Some women do not use makeup. What is it – self-confidence or lack of interest, refusal of external codes of femininity or hidden problems? Psychologists explain.
I never used makeup, my mother repeated:“ Let the ugly beauties, and you are so beautiful! ”I thought I was such myself, however, wondering why no one notices me,” says the 27-year-old guide Marina. – Once a friend persuaded me to go to the makeup artist with her for the company.
And suddenly I saw a stranger in the mirror who was not just more beautiful, but much happier than me. I wanted to look at her again – and I began to study, because I did not know how to deal with myself. Gradually, looking at the “other” woman from the mirror, I began to change myself, stopped thinking that I was an invaluable beauty, and felt like just a woman. And it turned out to be very nice. ”
“Perhaps these women are so confident in themselves, accept themselves as they are,” said psychotherapist Tatyana Voskresenskaya. However, for some, the refusal of cosmetics is not a conscious decision, but a consequence of unsolved problems. Which ones?
I do not want (myself) to like
“Makeup is a sign that a woman is interested in attention and is ready to accept this attention,” the psychotherapist continues. “Lack of makeup can mean she refuses to make an effort to please.” A woman may think that she no longer needs to try to be attractive. For example, because she became a mother, because she is aging or her appearance does not matter in her usual environment.
There is nothing wrong if you value not the appearance, but the other components of life. It is important that the signs of depression are not hidden behind this – when any look at oneself in the mirror causes painful feelings, when there is a feeling that any efforts are meaningless, that it is no longer destined to be loved, desired …
“It is especially alarming if, refusing makeup, a woman refuses to take care of herself and her body in other ways,” says Tatyana Voskresenskaya.
I try to be “honest”
“When I crash, I have an unpleasant feeling that I’m impersonating someone else,” admits 23-year-old Arina.
“The belief that“ you need to be honest ”, as well as the ideas about what this honesty is expressed in, we pass from childhood, from our family,” explains psychotherapist Elena Ulitova. “An unconscious fear of censure not only prevents one from following one’s desires, but also limits one’s desires themselves if they conflict with family rules.”
At the same time, a woman can sincerely believe that she does not want to use makeup or wear other clothes besides baggy gray suits.
I deny part of myself
Women who advocate natural beauty are far from always as free as you might think. “Some understate the feminine, wanting to look courageous,” says psychoanalyst Virginie Meggle. “Leaving the face“ naked, ”they seek to prove that they do not need anything … but this is the result of the work of psychological defenses.”
Fear of manifesting your femininity may also arise due to the fact that she caused rejection in the family where the girl grew up
Where does this fear look vulnerable? It may be the result of a revolt against parental prescriptions like “the main thing for a woman is to be able to like.” Or, conversely, a manifestation of obedience: “It is more important to be smart than a beautiful dummy!”
Fear of manifesting one’s femininity may also arise due to the fact that she provoked rejection in the family where the girl grew up. For example, parents wanted a son and were disappointed with the birth of their daughter. Or the girl was jealous of her brother, who was allowed much more, and explained her “loss of rights” by her belonging to the female sex.
WHAT TO DO?
Take care of yourself
You can appreciate your appearance and choose those methods of personal care that are pleasant. “Look at makeup not as a means of“ improving ”yourself, but as a game,” Tatyana Voskresenskaya advises. “It allows you to create new images of the Self, express your changing mood, discover unexpected sides in yourself, try on other social roles.”
Test your beliefs
“Write a phrase about what you are doing or not doing,” advises Elena Ulitova. – For example: “I do not use makeup.” Then add “because …” Now complete the phrase.
Options similar to “because it’s better”, “it’s so necessary”, “smart women do this”, indicate that this is an imposed belief. If the phrase ended, for example, like this: “… this is good for me,” “improves my mood,” “gives me pleasure,” – your own.
If you want to change your belief, try to look at the situation differently without criticism: what your parents believed was right during their youth, but perhaps things are different for you now. ”
Understand your story
“Ask yourself: what was the idea of femininity in my family? – says Virginie Meggle. “Who would I like to be like?” To paint means liberating oneself. And above all, from the mother’s power: by doing makeup, a woman asserts her right not to be the little girl she was born into. And then, if they want to see a woman beautiful, this does not mean that they want only this from her! ”